So Far So Good, Mostly

Made all of my goals yesterday except one - I didn't get the walking done. *sigh*
I set the alarm for 9pm...but at 8:30 PM I knew I was just too tired, and didn't want to push it so I reset the alarm and went back to sleep. I know, I probably should have gotten up anyway. It sets a bad precedent. But as it is, I'm feeling totally drained tonight. I suspect part of that may be due to something that arrived while I was sleeping - 2 days earlier than I was expecting. Meh. I'm also headachy, and honestly have been off and on since Saturday (I've just been dealing with it quietly on my own, or trying to). I'm currently eating the food I brought to work now, in hopes of heading it off from getting any worse (and yes, I did have caffeine when I got up, so that's not it). I've heard that a lot of people end up with something of a "withdrawl headache" when they go low carb, even if they don't quit caffeine, so that may have something to do with it. But then again, like I said, it really started on Saturday (confirmed something for myself - the reason 'Yote's smoking doesn't bother me at *all* is because he rolls his own and uses organic tobacco with no extra chemicals - being around regular cigarettes is *BAD* and gives me headaches).

It occurs to me that trying to convince myself to get out of bed early to walk may not work. For a variety of reasons, not the least of which being that if for any reason we don't get to bed by 2pm (and even if we do that's a little late) I'm going to tell myself I need more than 7 hours of sleep and reset the alarm. I'm going to keep trying this week, though - if it turns out to be too easy to make excuses, I'll come up with a different plan. Note - this is *also* the reason I've not managed to schedule time with Layla_Aaron to do bellydancing, as it's been too hard to get up early during the week, and most weekends we've been busy. Well, we had been busy. The last month, not so much (and though in some ways it feels weird, it's been kind of nice just relaxing at home). And it's easy to say now - after I've been up for several hours - that I need to make this a priority. But when that alarm goes off and I'm still tired...not so much. *sigh*

Still, that's the way I'd *prefer* to do this, so I'm not giving up on it just yet.

It's funny, because the eating part is actually easy for me. Once I make up my mind, that's it. Done deal. I don't sit there and war with myself wishing I could eat XY or Z. Example - there is 3/4 left of a pan of cookie crack sitting on the stove at home at the moment. It could be plastic or made of sawdust for all the attention I'm giving it - no motivation to dip in at all. And I made an entire pot of stuffing for my loves to go with the chicken yesterday. Didn't even phase me - not even to "lick the fork" or anything. I remember my first go on this, eating one day at a restaraunt with my sister, and she asked me "How do you have so much will power with the bread sitting right there?" And I remember thinking it an odd question, because there was no will-power about it. I'd made a decision, so that was that. Which made the fact that I eventually caved several months later (and had some of my sons' birthday cake...which sparked a binge that went through the holidays and beyond) that much more frustrating for me. There hadn't even been any temptation before...what made that situation different? I still haven't answered that, except to theorize that restrictive eating plans lead to cravings and binges...but since it's the only thing that's worked for me I'm trying it again and hoping I can figure out the motivations before I run into that wall this time.

That said, there was one little gleaming moment today. I'd cooked "meal" (with our schedules, there's really no point in labeling it as "dinner" or "breakfast" or what have you) - chicken, salad, stuffing for my loves, and green beans for me (with enough extra that they could have some if they wanted, but neither of them are big on cooked veggies). As we were all gathered in the kitchen dishing up, 'Yote turned to me and quietly said in my ear "I'm proud of you," and he kissed my cheek, then went back to getting his food together. No big fanfare, no big pronouncements, almost a "throw-away comment"...but those three little words of acknowledgement and that kiss meant more to me than I can say.