Better Now

Today's Recipe Update - Oh MY this was good. I made the Burger Scramble Florentine from Linda's Low Carb Recipes:Linda's Low Carb Menus & Recipes

Wow. I added garlic and some Italian spice blend to give it a little more zip (after the meatloaf being pronounced "good, but a little bland" earlier in the week) and it was a ROUSING success.
(nomnomnom)

SO, the current tally is
Slow Cooker Swiss Steak - total win!!
Brunch Enchiladas - win! (my lady and I gave it a total thumbs up, but my mate isn't so much into the eggs, so it was a win, but not as much as those I'm classifying as "total win")
Southwestern Meatloaf - tasty but needed a little something extra (my mate suggested adding curry or chili powder next time, not a lot because we're not into *really* hot and spicy, just to give it a little zip). HOWEVER - he's been making sandwiches of the leftovers, so I think he liked it.
Swiss Onion Chicken - another total win!
Burger Scramble Florentine - total win!!

Also, my mate's stomach has settled and he's feeling better, so I think the additional red meat is doing it's job. Tonight (after we sleep, whenever we get around to sleeping), I'm going to make the Dilly Pot Roast from the 6 ingredient book - it's a slow cooker meal, and considering my lady and I have to be at Sawyer Point downtown at 8:00 AM tomorrow morning for the Stop Aids Walk, having food ready and waiting when we get home is a GOOD idea.

Something else to note - my lady said she's already noticing her clothes are fitting differently (she tried on some pants yesterday that had been too tight, and they're not anymore). Me - I don't notice anything in my clothes yet (which is why I tend to do the scale - I generally have to lose 20-30 lbs before there's any size difference, so I need to see SOMETHING that tells me I'm making progress, even slow progress). But my lady told me she thinks my ankles look thinner (yeah, she laughed and said it sounded silly to her, too, but swears she sees a difference). Yeah, I'll take that. *grin*

Help - I'm having one of *those* nights...

(cross-posting from my low carb board)

You know the kind. The "why am I doing this, I'll never get even close to goal, what does it matter, I'll always be and feel fat and ugly and undesireable, I'm not getting anywhere and it's too hard and I want to go down and binge at the vending machine or buy donuts when Dunkin' opens at 5:30 downstairs, or dive into an entire carton of ice cream" kind of night. Which I know is largely fueled by being lonely at work and wanting to be home with my loves, and probably hormones ('cause TOM is due Tuesday...sigh).

Just really really *really* down, lonely, feeling fragile and wanting to be held, and stuck at work.
I'm being good and dutifully eating my salad and my mozerella sticks and drinking my water (and my chocolate low-carb slimfast...maybe the chocolate will help the PMS part). But I'm just not feeling it tonight.

What do YOU do to keep yourself from turning to food when you just want to crawl into a hole and pull the dirt in over you?

(Reminder to those watching via their LJ F-list - if you comment on LJ, I won't see it - if you have ideas, suggestions, etc. either comment here on blogspot, or e-mail me)

First Setback

Note I didn't say "first major setback" or "first serious setback". That would be because I'm not all that horribly concerned by the numbers.

I did my "weigh in" tonight after I got up, and the scale said 240.5. Which is a 1lb increase from last week. Wrong direction (up, not down), but only by one pound - this is not a crisis. Particularly since I know pretty much what caused it:

• No exercise at all this week (well, 'Yote told me I did more than my share of exercise walking around the entire apartment complex twice looking for and then putting up flyers in hopes of recovering our cat Hagbard Celine...and then doing the same to the end and back of the street next to our apartment complex on Monday morning...but that's *all* I did all week).
• Not entering my food over the weekend in Fitday, which was primarily due to
• A weird weekend of odd food, after a weird week of dealing with a power outtage and spoiling food. Things like going to Dewey's Pizza with my son for his 22nd birthday, and going out to Frisch's yesterday. I ate low-carb: got a salad and ate the top off the pizza but not the crust at Dewey's, took my Big Boy sandwich off the bun at Frisch's...but I still felt like I'd over eaten and I didn't know how to record it all...so I just didn't. If I HAD, I probably would had a better idea of when to stop. Which is honestly the purpose of fitday for me - it gives me an idea of where I am during the day, and when I need to watch things.
• low-carb "treats" that aren't...well, okay they *are*, but because I think of them as "safe" I overeat them. Like porkrinds and onion dip - I don't care how low carb they are, eating the better part of an entire bag and a whole container of dip is *not* conducive to weight loss. Period. And when I have those kinds of treats around...I have no control. I binge. SO, we're going to make sure that's an extremely *rare* occasion. Also, I currently have some of the low-carb ice-cream treats (those klondike low carb bars with almonds) in my freezer. So far I've been good - I've limited myself to one per day. However, I *know* those things are a temptation to me - I've eaten a whole box at a sitting before (yes, they are THAT good). So, I need to keep an eye on that.

So, knowing what I know, I'm not beating myself up over a measely pound - first, it could have been a lot worse (it *felt* a lot worse, I knew there wasn't going to be a loss before I ever stepped on the scale), and second - it's not like I totally fell of the wagon and binged on bad stuff, and have to start all over. I just need to play closer attention to what I'm doing, have a plan when we go out, remember to record *everything*, and keep up what I've been doing that works.

Since this week was payday, I got my exercise ball (still need to inflate it and get started using it - probably today), and I also picked up a new low carb cookbook (yeah like I needed another one). *chuckle* THIS one is one of those 6 ingredient books, though - I made slow cooker swiss steak yesterday that was *really really* good (both my loves said so, and really filling, too), and SUPER easy. I think I'm going to make the "brunch enchiladas" today, which are made with chicken. I'm trying to add in a bit more red meat to the food plan - 'Yote wasn't feeling real well this weekend, and we narrowed part of the problem down to the fact that we'd had nothing but fish and chicken the last few weeks (also we'd run out of carbinated soda, which he drinks occasionally during the week to keep his stomach settled, and we'd had to throw out his yogurt and hadn't replaced it after the power outage, something else he eats on a regular basis to keep the stomach settled). Dude's a total carnivore and needs his dead cow (and it's not like it's not low-carb). Not that I didn't buy a big bag of chicken and two bags of tilapia...but I went through the cookbook and have several meat meals planned including a roast and a hamburger/spinach bake thingie that looks really yummy. He was feeling better tonight when he got up, so I think we're on the right track (that was part of the "why" of the Frisch's run on Saturday evening).

So, I'm still on track and as far as I'm concerned I'm still doing fine. Just a little fine tuning here and there, and recognizing patterns I need to keep an eye out for. All part of the process. :)

Video Inspiration

My sister sent me this - pretty cool stuff.

Hey, Lis --

I noticed your new weight loss blog, so I thought I'd send you a cool YouTube link that I found...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8EH_zfKdVSE

All of her videos are pretty good. Just search for them under "Andrea Weight Loss" or "Amazing Body Now"... I bought her e-book, too... and it's awesome. Nothing new, but it's just the way she communicates it seemed to speak to me better than anything else I've read or seen on the subject.

At first she seems a little too perky and, well... blond... but once you start listening, it comes out that this is a very real woman who really truly gets it.

Weightloss at a Standstill?!? - Inspirational

Reposting from "TaDa", someone who's been on my lowcarb board forever, who made her goal weight ages ago and has kept it off several years now (and now just cheers the rest of us on):

http://www.lowcarbfriends.com/bbs/century-club/576094-weightloss-standstill.html

I see folks on here doing everything necessary for good solid weightloss and somehow they find it either is not happening, or happening sporadically. Even when we know it is water masking our progress, we let it get us down ... This artice has been posted a few times in different places here on LCF and I thought that it would really be useful to some of my CC friends ... a good read whenever you just know that the scale is not telling you the whole story

...Originally posted by TheMuffin on the main bb, and by Inatic on Muscle Matters:

OUT OUT DAMN SCALE By Sonya Tilley, CarbSmart Contributor

Here we go again...

How the hell does your body hold onto weight and still manage to get smaller while you are on your chosen low carb diet?!? You know the scenario: You are on Induction for two weeks, and you haven't cheated even once. You notice that your clothes fit better, that you are stepping a little livelier, and as far as you're concerned, all's right with the world.

But then you step on that evil construction of the Devil himself, the bathroom scale, and you instantly feel betrayed. The stupid thing insists that you have done nothing! Sometimes, it even states you have done less than nothing; it accuses you of cheating because it tells that you haven't lost any weight! Well, there area couple of simple explanations to help you get through this trying time.

First of all, if it is at all possible for you to do so, throw that insipid Monster Scale in the trash. Or at least put it up somewhere that it is really, REALLY inconvenient to get to so that you won't be tempted to ask it's opinion every single day of your life. Face it. If you are feeling better and your clothes are looser, do you really need the scale to tell you that you're on the right track? No! You don't! Why do you think you do it, then? I'll tell you why. The low fat diet demons have a tenacious hold on your brain. That's right, you've been brainwashed. All your life they have told you through doctors, dietitians, newspaper and magazine articles, surgeon generals and the like, that you give up X calories per day and you will lose a pound of fat. They even go on to tell you how much fat you should lose each week. In the process, they've made you dependent on the Monster Scale to gauge your progress!

What a big lie!

Even on the diets that "they" advocate, the Monster Scale does not often cooperate. You go back to the Diet Demons and demand to know why the scale does not reflect the torture you have put yourself through for a month. They immediately start backpedaling on the "give up X calories and lose a pound of fat" story, and start talking to you about water retention and muscle buildup. Sometimes, they even blame it on you with questions like, "Are you sure you counted the calories in everything you ate?" (This is delivered with a knowing little smile that makes you want to rip their knowing little face off.) Being the type that is given to blaming things on yourself, anyway, you cooperate with an answer like, "Well….." They pounce on this with "Ahhhh, well.." Then, they launch into one of their scoldings/lash/encouragement speeches.

So, get off their bandwagon, already!

Then, there's the competitive spirit. You hear about what other people have done on your chosen diet. Yes, Brian went on Atkins a year ago and lost over a hundred pounds. Yes, a hundred pounds in a year is over eight pounds a month, or 2 pounds a week, or .0119 pounds per hour….but, "Hello? You ain't Brian!" And, did Brian ever say that he lost .0119 pounds per hour? No! He said a hundred pounds in a year. This only proves he got on the scale twice; a year ago, and yesterday. Take a hint from Brian. Stay off the scale!

The second solution is to understand what is going on in your body in light of the current state of human affairs. Today, all a person has to have to eat every day is money and transportation to a grocery store or, better yet, a nice restaurant. However, your body's survival instincts have not matured in a million years. Your body still thinks you are a hunter-gatherer. Yes, in spite of a million years of evolution, your body still thinks you are going to have to go out and kill a mammoth to eat. The survival instincts with which you are going to have to come to terms are read-only memory. You can't overwrite them. Deal with it.

That said, let me tell you what happens when you lose a pound of fat. Your body has been saving this fat for that long hunting expedition you're going to have to go on to track, kill, dress and retrieve that huge animal. It keeps the fat in little pillows distributed throughout your body. When you start losing fat, it doesn't trust you to continue whatever insane path you have chosen that is causing the fat to dissipate. So, when the fat comes out of the pillow, it injects water as a "place holder." Sometimes that water actually replaces the weight of the fat it lost. Sometimes it replaces the volume.

Water weighs more than fat just like lead sinkers weigh more than feathers. If you stuff a pillow with a pound of feathers, you'll have a nice big pillow. If you stuff a pillow with a pound of lead sinkers, you'll have a nice (but rather hard and uncomfortable), small pillow. Now, let's say your body removes a pound of fat and replaces the weight with a pound of water. Your weight will stay the same, but you will be smaller. But, if your body decides to replace the lost fat by volume, that is a quite different story. Remember the great big feather pillow as compared to the tiny lead sinker pillow? Well, now think of a gallon of feathers and a gallon of lead sinkers. Try to pick up the gallon of feathers. Piece of (you'll pardon the expression) cake. Now, try to pick up the gallon of lead sinkers. Sucker's heavy, ain't it? So, you will be smaller, but you will have gained weight.

Eventually, your body makes the executive decision that you are not going to replace the fat you lost, and it lets go of the water. In the words of Danny Skaist: "When your body accepts the fact that they are no longer needed, the water will be expelled and the cells closed. This is known as the "whoosh."

What makes your body decide to replace by weight or replace by volume? I dunno. But I do know that it does not seem consistent to the casual observer. What makes your body decide that you are seriously not going to replace the fat you lost? I dunno. But now you know why it's so important to drink your water, huh? Loss of fat is inextricably related to water intake. It's more than a little foolish to go on a diet that facilitates the removal of fat and then refuse to give your body the tools it needs to do so.

Bottom Line: Stop getting on the scale and drink your water. If you stick to your plan and wait for the "whoosh," it will come.

Wow...well THAT was an adventure!!

No power for 3 days...what's a low-carbing dieter to do?

Finish off leftovers (turns out zucchini lasagna isn't all that bad cold), eat up all the salad before it dies, and be thankful you've got low carb slimfast to take to work. :D

Power's back (just in time for us to have already thrown out most of what was in the fridge)...and I haven't gotten off track yet. :)

Of course, we had bunches of leftovers that needed to be eaten anyway, so it's all good.

Heading to the store now with Kitminx to replenish what we need to survive the next couple of days until payday, when we will probably take a field trip to Jungle Jim's (promised 'Yote, we had to throw out some of the hummus we haven't been able to find anywhere else).

I did enter the lasagna into fitday as a custom food. Turns out it's a little more carby than I thought - still good for me, but I shouldn't eat it without paying attention to portion size. All good though (and OMG yummy...we're definitely making that again).

Okay - off to the store!

Another W00H00!

It's been another wonky weekend schedule-wise (and it's far from over, as I work tonight and have to be in Dayton by 6pm...and I just got up). So I went ahead and weighed myself (which I generally do once a week, preferably around the same time) since I'd had a full sleep - down to 239.5 lbs! That's 9 lbs gone so far- yay!

In other news, I made zucchini lasagna Friday that we're still eating on (it was HUGE - nearly overflowed the pan when it was cooking)...it's really really good, and totally low-carb friendly. Here's the recipe as it was given to me:

Miss Gigl’s Zucchini Lasagna
3 small zucchinis washed and sliced into long thin strips then blanched and patted dry with paper towels
1 can of sugar free tomato sauce (not jarred carby spaghetti sauce)
1 pound of jimmy dean sage sausage (those tube things) -cooked & drained
1 pound of jimmy dean spicy sausage (those tube things) - cooked & drained
4 cups (?) or ricotta cheese
big package of shredded mozzarella
parmesan cheese
oregano
garlic powder
basil
salt & pepper
mushrooms (optional)
Pre-heat over to 350. Mix up the ricotta with the spices in a bowl. Create the lasagna in layers in a large baking dish: zucchini, sausage, cheese, tomato sauce, etc. then top off with mozzarella cheese and good sprinkling of parmesan. Bake uncovered for 45 minutes.


Changes I made:
I used 2 packages of mild sausage, because none of us is into spicy all that much ('Yote can add hot sauce if he's jonesin', but spicy hurts my mouth)
Didn't use mushrooms (as 'Yote's not into them), but I added onions
Couldn't find sugar-free tomato sauce, but the regular tomato sauce wasn't all that carby, so I went with that.
Used garlic powder and "italian seasonings" (and a little oregano)

I totally mangled one poor zucchini trying to make long thin strips - need to work on technique there (gave up and just made thin diagonal slices to make them at least a *little* longer). And it all held together pretty well, all things considered (I had a feeling the pieces would utterly fall apart when served, but it actually stayed looking like lasagna). I have some ideas on other alterations...we'll see how the next batch goes. It was YUMMY, though. Really - like 'Yote and Kitminx both went back for seconds yummy. *does happy dance that they liked it*

Now to just figure out how to enter it into fitday. *shakes head* Not sure that's happening, unless I can find some kind of "recipe converter" out there on the intrawebz where I can enter ingredients and # of servings and have it spit out a nutritional value chart - 'cause entering it ingredient by ingredient and trying to estimate how much of each actually went into my mouth sounds like WAY too much work. :)

*sigh*

Okay, that's two nights I haven't managed to drag myself out of bed to go walking. I'm not giving up, but I may need to re-think this a bit.

The fact is, I haven't committed to doing any kind of marathon, so I don't really feel bound to doing the kind of conditioning program needed to gear up for that kind of goal. I *am* committed to doing the AIDs Walk on the 27th, but that's not a race, and it's not all that long. I mainly want to be in somewhat better shape for that than I was for the Pride Parade this year (so I don't end up hurting afterwards quite so bad), but I'm not all that concerned about "being ready" per se. So it's been fairly easy to blow this off, saying "at least I'm getting more exercise than I was before."

Regarding the AIDs Walk - I realized that this is actually a good test for me regarding whether I want to join up with Train To End Stroke. Because, if I can't raise $300 (the goal I set for myself) for AIDs, I'm not going to be able to raise $2100 for Stroke - not and have it not totally take over my life. Which I'm not willing to do. So, we'll see how this goes. (So far, nobody's donated at all...so I'm not terribly optimistic.)

That doesn't mean I may not pick a marathon to train for anyway (and just pay the fees and do it myself). But that will be it's own decision, after I make up my mind about TTES. One issue at a time. :) (Then again....maybe I should look at some smaller races coming up sooner, and make little goals...more to ponder.)

Meanwhile, I'm realizing that while walking is good cardio, I need something else for toning, etc. I am *totally* getting an exercise ball with my next paycheck. Ab work is something I can do off by myself anytime (particularly in the morning when I get home from work while 'Yote's catching up on e-mail and LJ). Same with any other kind of basic toning exercise actually - I should probably get a couple of hand weights too, and make a basic program for myself. I've put my own system together at the gym, no reason I can't do the same thing at home. (Which reminds me yet again that I need to cancel the gym membership - no reason to keep paying for something I'm not using.) That and I need to put my head together with Kitminx and make some concrete decisions about when to start dancing with Layla_Aaron - we've been sitting on that way too long. (I'm thinking maybe Saturdays? Even if it's not every week? Maybe even starting *this* Saturday since we don't have anything else pressing? We'll talk...)

Things to think about and ponder. NOT giving up on the walking - frankly it's good meditation/thinking time for me. But I'm finding that sleep comes first, and if I'm not in bed by 1:00 PM, it's just not going to happen (because if know I'm not going to get 8 hours, I end up arguing with myself over what's more important - sleep or exercise - and if I'm tired, sleep is going to win by default).

Meanwhile, in every other area I'm on track. Eating is going well - staying on plan and recording everything in fitday. I've been getting in my 8 glasses of water every night at work (so what I drink at home is just bonus...also means I don't need to drink a lot right before going to bed, which helps on the sleep front since I'm not getting up every 30 minutes). Suppliments are solid (though we've been consistent with those ever since 'Yote and I moved in together, so that wasn't a concern really). I've been starting my day with half a cup of coffee just to make sure I'm getting some caffeine to stave off any caffeine-withdrawl headaches (because when I'm drinking this much water, I don't drink soda) - so far so good.

All in all, I'm pretty happy with how things are going. I just need to figure out how to make the exercise piece fit with everything else. Which may take some maneuvering, but I'll figure it out.

GO ME!

Got up at 8:45 tonight, and after checking e-mail for a couple of minutes, I got myself in gear and out the door for my 15 minute walk tonight. Considered pushing farther...but stuck to the plan and just went up to the corner of Ferguson and back. Which is still a little more than 15 minutes, but it works.

In *other* walking news, I've decided to join the Fifth Third GLBT group in doing the Stop AIDS walk on the 27th. Here's the info:

Donate or Walk With Me!
I will be walking in the Walk to STOP AIDS this year on Saturday, September 27th, 2008. STOP AIDS is the Greater Cincinnati area's only full service AIDS Service Organization. STOP AIDS counts on the Walk as their biggest fundraiser of the year. If you walk or donate with me, you can be assured that your money and efforts are going to the right place. STOP AIDS's administration costs only account for 8% of the budget. That means that for every dollar you raise or donate, 92 cents goes straight to education programs or client needs.Please help me STOP AIDS!
Follow This Link to visit my personal web page and help me in my efforts to support STOP AIDS

Week Two Goals

So week one went pretty well. Not perfectly, but well enough that I'm pleased with the results.

Week Two - continue doing what I'm doing already. The eating is on track, the water is on track, still taking my suppliments like clockwork - all good. And THIS week I'm going to try and do the whole walking routine as written (even though it seems a little light to me - I'm likely to push it too far and then either burn out or injure myself, so I'm just going to go with it as written). Note - I'm still just walking. But I'm putting it up for both in case anyone else is interested.

Week 2 (walkers will walk only, runners will run for 5 seconds/walk for 55 seconds on the run/walk days)
Mon: 15 min run/walk
Tues: 20 min walk
Wed: 17 min run/walk
Thurs: 22 min walk
Fri: off
Sat: 1.25 mi run/walk
Sun: off/walk

Week One Weigh In

Earlier in the day than I'd like (because it's the weekend and my sleep schedule is wonky...I'm heading over to see the new baby at the ex's this morning and don't know if I'll get a chance to sleep again before work tonight)...but as of right now, I'm 6 pounds down.
Starting weight last Sunday - 248.5 lbs
Today - 242.5 lbs

I can *totally* live with that.
*does happy dance*

Note - it should slow down a bit after the first week or so, just because my body will adjust to the changes a bit. I'm not worried, though. :) I'll get there.

Not bad for the first week!

• So I went out and walked 20 minutes Wednesday night. I just figured mapquested my route, and figured out it was just about a mile, so go me!
• I'm counting the walk to take rent to the office on Friday morning as a work out (it's honest to gods uphill both ways, ask 'Yote). It involved getting off the bus at an earlier stop, walking up the hill to the office, walking down to the street and then uphill to home, and took me about 30 minutes to do (with a backpack on my back). It was work. I'm counting it.
• And, I just got back from walking 1.4 miles: from home to 2800 Queen City Avenue 0.2 miles (5 minutes walking easy – warm up)
  to the corner of Queen City and Ferguson (where I stopped on Wednesday) 0.5 miles
  to the corner of Ferguson and Woodbridge 0.7 miles. And back. 2800 Queen City is where the hill evens out and the road gets flat, so I used the hill as warm up, then sped up and walked hard to the corner of Ferguson and Woodbridge, and back to 2800 Queen City, and then slowed down and used the downhill as my cool down. Which means 1 mile of hard walking. SWEET!

According to the 8 week conditioning schedule, tomorrow is an "off" day. Though I may just explore the options on cable - I discovered the other day I can get various exercise shows On Demand, so I'm considering getting up early ('cause I can't exercise in front of people...I'm funny like that...I find it embarrassing) and checking out some pilates or something. I intend on investing in a birth ball (okay, okay - you call it an exercise ball or a physical therapy ball, to Euphrates the Doula, it's a birth ball) in the very near future, because when I was going to the gym that was the best abs work out I found that didn't hurt my lower back. And I can do *that* every day.

For the record, I haven't been writing it down but I've managed to get down 8 glasses (8oz) of water in at work every night this week, so any water I drink at home is gravy (so to speak). I've gotten pretty close to that today already (weekends are always the challenge because the routine is thrown off). AND, we've continued to take our suppliments like always.

All in all, I'm extremely pleased with how this first week has gone. Tomorrow night when I get up for work, I'll do my first "weigh in" - I generally weigh myself once a week (never EVER more often than that, or I start obsessing), first thing in the day after I've gotten a full night's sleep - same time, same day every week. I know it's more important how I feel and how my clothes fit, but I'm the kind of person that needs "benchmarks", so I tend to check the scale to assess my progress in some kind of measurable way (the others are subjective...valid, but still subjective).

Okay - off to shower and then see if I can't recruit 'Yote for some exercise of a totally *different* sort...*grin* (Assuming Kitminx and I didn't *totally* break him last night - but hey, it inspired him into wordcount, so we're just doing our part for the cause, right?) ;)

Meh...

Didn't managed to make myself get up early today.
*sigh*

Of course, the eating is totally on track, so I can't be too upset with myself. If I'm successfully making *one* change, I should be good with that. Still, I need the exercise.
*sigh*

I tried to explain how I'm feeling to 'Yote tonight before he drove me to work. Just...wrung out.
Part of that was having to tell a dear friend that I couldn't afford the trip to Alabama for her wedding. I hated disappointing her (and she took it incredibly well). But it took a lot out of me, just coming to the decision (particularly since it involved sorting out all the medical bills I've amassed from the kidney stone and trying to make heads or tails of who is owed what, on top of getting the bills together that have to be paid on today's paycheck). Facing and dealing with finances is probably my least favorite thing in the world. Quite possibly because there is math involved, but more because it involves limits and having to say no to myself and those I love. I've *never* been good at that. We'll be okay - we've got everything important covered. Just tighter than I like (and it means I can't splurge on Alexander's birthday present like I wanted to, either...sigh).

So, there's that vague stress going on (not severe, and I'm not worried, but just being aware has me tense). And of course, my empathy is in high gear, so I'm picking up on everyone else's worries, and having trouble differentiating between what's mine and what isn't. I usually "have enough" for everyone else (and before anyone starts - I *like* it that way, being able to Pay Attention makes me feel alive and useful and I wouldn't trade it for anything), but when I have my own stuff going on - even if it's not anything catastrophic - I get worn down way too easily. And unfortunately, sometimes people take it wrong. *sigh*

This is when that whole "I need to learn to shield" and "But I don't want to shield because I'm afraid I won't be able to Pay Attention and *feel* the way I want to" internal argument happens. There's a balance there, but I've yet to find it. The fact is, when I get overwhelmed I wall off anyway (or I just sleep a lot). Balance. Definitely need to work on balance.

Not that any of that has anything to do with *this* blog, except that a) I'm pretty pleased with myself that I haven't started stress eating, and b) being worn down in spirit makes me more tired on the physical plane, thus making getting up early to exercise pretty rough.

So - lesson for the week ahead?
Balance. Find it.
*nods*

I did it! I did it!

Yes folks, I got out of bed early, put on my walking shoes and shorts, and out the door I went!
Twenty minutes - 10 minutes up Queen City Ave. to Ferguson Rd, and then walked back. Where I live is just about perfect, as I start out walking uphil, so I can walk downhill on my "cool down", which works well for me. The road flattens out at Ferguson, so as I add more distance that will work too - I can take the first bit as warm up, then ramp up my speed once I hit more even ground.

My breathing wasn't great because of the air quality and general humidity - GODS it was muggy. But the last 2 days have been the hottest this summer, so it's not that surprising. I was afraid I might need my inhaler by the time I got home, but once I got in and cooled off a bit, I was fine.

To those who've offered to be walking/work out buddies - thanks, I really appreciate it! Maybe once I get in the groove a bit (like when I have a couple of weeks under my belt), we can plan special walks, or try for once a week or something? In general, if I plan anything more complicated than roll out of bed, put shoes on, go walk...I won't do it. Plus, I really find it meditative...I do a lot of thinking and planning when I'm walking. AND, I'm slow. I know I need to up my speed, but I need to increase at my own pace...and if I walk with anyone else, I'll try to keep up with them and likely push myself too hard. So for now I think the "dailies" I need to do on my own. I'm all down with trying for regular walks together in a few weeks, though. :) And you're *totally* allowed (and encouraged) to ask about it, remind me, and cheer me on here. Accountability is a good thing.

Food-wise, everything is still on track. Today promises to be an interesting experiment, as 'Yote plans on making spinach pie again. The filling is *totally* on plan for me, the filo dough not so much. So, we'll see how I end up dealing with this (probably the same way I'd deal with pizza - eat the good stuff and leave the crust). I just need to make sure I get enough protein in the bargain, so I may either throw a piece of chicken or fish in the oven or make myself some eggs (depending on how hot it is - the oven really heats up the apartment). Which I'll happily do for my loves too if they wish. :) That and I need to restock the salad bowl, as I took the last of what was left to work last night. I may need to make a quick run to the store to pick up a few things - we're low on radishes and cucumbers, and 'Yote likes his salad veggie (as opposed to lettuce) heavy. Me too, actually, now that I've gotten used to it.

Oh...and so far the headache is gone today. I suspect sleeping 12 hours helped. :)

So Far So Good, Mostly

Made all of my goals yesterday except one - I didn't get the walking done. *sigh*
I set the alarm for 9pm...but at 8:30 PM I knew I was just too tired, and didn't want to push it so I reset the alarm and went back to sleep. I know, I probably should have gotten up anyway. It sets a bad precedent. But as it is, I'm feeling totally drained tonight. I suspect part of that may be due to something that arrived while I was sleeping - 2 days earlier than I was expecting. Meh. I'm also headachy, and honestly have been off and on since Saturday (I've just been dealing with it quietly on my own, or trying to). I'm currently eating the food I brought to work now, in hopes of heading it off from getting any worse (and yes, I did have caffeine when I got up, so that's not it). I've heard that a lot of people end up with something of a "withdrawl headache" when they go low carb, even if they don't quit caffeine, so that may have something to do with it. But then again, like I said, it really started on Saturday (confirmed something for myself - the reason 'Yote's smoking doesn't bother me at *all* is because he rolls his own and uses organic tobacco with no extra chemicals - being around regular cigarettes is *BAD* and gives me headaches).

It occurs to me that trying to convince myself to get out of bed early to walk may not work. For a variety of reasons, not the least of which being that if for any reason we don't get to bed by 2pm (and even if we do that's a little late) I'm going to tell myself I need more than 7 hours of sleep and reset the alarm. I'm going to keep trying this week, though - if it turns out to be too easy to make excuses, I'll come up with a different plan. Note - this is *also* the reason I've not managed to schedule time with Layla_Aaron to do bellydancing, as it's been too hard to get up early during the week, and most weekends we've been busy. Well, we had been busy. The last month, not so much (and though in some ways it feels weird, it's been kind of nice just relaxing at home). And it's easy to say now - after I've been up for several hours - that I need to make this a priority. But when that alarm goes off and I'm still tired...not so much. *sigh*

Still, that's the way I'd *prefer* to do this, so I'm not giving up on it just yet.

It's funny, because the eating part is actually easy for me. Once I make up my mind, that's it. Done deal. I don't sit there and war with myself wishing I could eat XY or Z. Example - there is 3/4 left of a pan of cookie crack sitting on the stove at home at the moment. It could be plastic or made of sawdust for all the attention I'm giving it - no motivation to dip in at all. And I made an entire pot of stuffing for my loves to go with the chicken yesterday. Didn't even phase me - not even to "lick the fork" or anything. I remember my first go on this, eating one day at a restaraunt with my sister, and she asked me "How do you have so much will power with the bread sitting right there?" And I remember thinking it an odd question, because there was no will-power about it. I'd made a decision, so that was that. Which made the fact that I eventually caved several months later (and had some of my sons' birthday cake...which sparked a binge that went through the holidays and beyond) that much more frustrating for me. There hadn't even been any temptation before...what made that situation different? I still haven't answered that, except to theorize that restrictive eating plans lead to cravings and binges...but since it's the only thing that's worked for me I'm trying it again and hoping I can figure out the motivations before I run into that wall this time.

That said, there was one little gleaming moment today. I'd cooked "meal" (with our schedules, there's really no point in labeling it as "dinner" or "breakfast" or what have you) - chicken, salad, stuffing for my loves, and green beans for me (with enough extra that they could have some if they wanted, but neither of them are big on cooked veggies). As we were all gathered in the kitchen dishing up, 'Yote turned to me and quietly said in my ear "I'm proud of you," and he kissed my cheek, then went back to getting his food together. No big fanfare, no big pronouncements, almost a "throw-away comment"...but those three little words of acknowledgement and that kiss meant more to me than I can say.

Today's Goals

So far so good on my goals for work:

• Drank 2 full water bottles (well, okay, I've still got about a third of the 2nd one to go, but I'll have finished it by the time I leave work). That's 8 glasses (8 oz each) of water already on the day - I like getting that done *early* so I'm less likely to get up every 30 minutes when I'm trying to sleep. :) And that way any extra water I drink at home is "gravy".
• Avoided the vending machines! GO ME! (Understand, upt to now I've generally had at least a cherry coke and bag of chips every day - this saves me calories, junk in my system, and money too!)
• Got this blog started
• Filled out my fitday for what I've eaten so far
• Printed out my exercise plan (with an extra copy for Kitminx and another to keep in my drawer here). It's an 8 week Conditioning Program put together by Jeff Galloway (a well known marathon trainer) for people who want to do a marathon but haven't been active. I figure it's as good a place to start as any.

Goals for the rest of the day:

• Healthy meal at home ('Yote's already requested chicken, and we've got enough salad at least for today, though I should probably make more - I like to keep a container of salad in the fridge so it's easy to grab when I want one and to take to work - and I'll probably make a vegetable for me along with whatever side I make for 'Yote and Kitminx)
• Take my vitamins (not a problem - we've been consistently taking vitamins since 'Yote moved down, and you know what? We've only gotten sick once a piece for the whole year.)
• Walk! I expect I'll get up early and do it before we go to work. One of the things I learned a while ago is that starting out the day with exercise boosts your metabolism for the whole day. And, since 'Yote will still be sleeping, I won't feel like I'm missing out on time with him (though making myself get up and get moving from being all curled up together won't be easy, believe me).

Here's the walking goals for this week. Already blew Monday, but I'll get it made up somewhere - not worrying about it. :) Any movement is a good thing, so if I miss a day, I'm not going to beat myself up about it. I'm going to stick to walking for now. I got to the point when I was training for the marathon 5 years ago that I was more run/walking...and I want to get there eventually. But I'm not going to get serious about running until I get the right sport bra (trust me, it's worth it). Which I have to work into the budget first, so it will be a little bit yet.

Week 1 (walkers will walk only, runners will run for 5 seconds/walk for 55 seconds on the run/walk days)

Mon: 10 min run/walk

Tues: 15 min walk

Wed: 13 min run/walk

Thurs: 18 min walk

Fri: off

Sat: 1 mile run/walk

Sun: off/walk

Day Two (which is really day one)

Well, didn't start walking yet because I pretty much slept through yesterday. But gods, I'd had so much junk during the day hanging out with everybody, and waiting for Kate's son Patrick to have dinner ready, and we ate so late on Sunday, my stomach was NOT happy with me, and I didn't eat anything at all in 24 hours. Drank a whole 33.8 oz of water (which I consider 4 8oz glasses) at work, though, which is good. Almost weighed myself when I got up today out of curiosity (not having eaten), but I decided I'd better stick with what I weighed myself at on Sunday when I woke up as my "starting weight", and I know better than to weigh myself more than once a week. Crazy making, it is.

So for those curious, I'm basically doing low carb, as I've done before. Of course, I haven't gone looking for my books to get as specific as I could. I'm not worrying about "induction" (that 2 weeks where you're really restricted), and I'm not worrying about quitting caffeine - I don't drink that much caffeine anyway and I D O N O T W A N T the withdrawl migraine in 3 days. Nope. Not going through that hell again. I intentionally drank a cherry zero when I got up, just to make sure I had some, because when I'm in the zone I just want water anyway, and I don't want to risk it. I *know* I don't need it (even working 3rd shift I don't *need* it to stay awake), and I'll probably wean myself off it slowly anyway, but the key word there is *slowly*. I will not willingly risk a migraine if I can help it.

I'm going to use fitday assiduously for now, specifically logging what food I eat. I've found before if I keep running track of what I'm eating, I pay better attention. And I love fitday because it shows you the nutritional value of what you've eaten so far, including calories, carbs, protein, etc. And I can add "custom foods" they don't have in their database, entering in the correct nutritional amounts from the label. It's a spiffy little tool.

I'm starting a new blog specifically for this, here on blogspot. I'll make a feed for anyone who wants to watch it on LJ, but I'm not going to talk a lot about it on LJ. Not sure why I want to keep it separate, but I do. And Sandi is on blogspot, and I know she wants to support each other in this, so that works well. I'll likely copy back and forth on the journal for fitday (or maybe I'll just journal here and skip that part over there).

So there it is - here we go!